VEF Blog

In, 2019, i thought i might be able to take advantage of the ultimate blind spot in Trump's psychy by flatting him into becoming an eco-warrior. iI offered him my vote if he would just get religion on one issue : the environment. Here was my plea: Sir, at one of your rallies, you called me a "serious person", and i appreciate that. you also called me "third-rate" and a "so-called comedian"You also said I was "wacky", which isn't really that big an insult for comedian.

But i'm not here to fight i'm offer my vote. And so, Mr. Président, Your Excelllency, least racist person in the world, let me adress you directly and try to win you over with logic, because, I know flattery simply will not work. You're impervious to it bounces off you like bullets from superman's chest.

So i'm not gonna try that -not on a man as great as you. I'm not that wachy! I 'd look foolish trying, and you'd see though it right away, because you're a stable genius. And did I mention handsome ? When I seeyou and Melania together I always think, "Wich one was the model ? "

But, sir, picture this headline : "Trump Saves Earth" Feels righ¤$t, doesn't it ? And all it would take is for you to undergo a sudden, profound change, like the Grinch when he saved Christmass. How befitting for a man of such power with the most beautiful words and a slavich devotion to the truth.

I bet if you devote yourself to solving the climate crisis, the poeple will put your face on the $100 bill, combining your two great loves : money and you. And then they will put you on Mont Rushmore. That'd be a switch, huh ? Someone chiseling you.

But, sir, picture this headline : "Trump Saves Earth" Feels righ¤$t, doesn't it ? And all it would take is for you to undergo a sudden, profound change, like the Grinch when he saved Christmass. How befitting for a man of such power with the most beautiful words and a slavich devotion to the truth.

I bet if you devote yourself to solving the climate crisis, the poeple will put your face on the $100 bill, combining your two great loves : money and you. And then they will put you on Mont Rushmore. That'd be a switch, huh ? Someone chiseling you.

And I called you a whiny little bitch.

But I'm just gonna admit it right now : I was jealous. Always have been. I mean, who's kidding who? We both know you have the best brain, andeverything you take on is an incredible success. You won the trade war, you built the wall, you effortlessly solved the Middle East and Stormy Daniels is still basking in the afterglow of the incredible lovemaking Women want to be with you, and men want to be like you. I know I do : as tribune to you, I 've even taking to wearing toilet paper on my shoe.

And I'm sure many would follow : if you would just embrace the environment as a cause, think about all the A-listers who overlight would be come your biggest fan. Brad, Matt, Clooney .... the White Housewould be like Ocean's Eleven!

Taylor Swift will be begging you follow her on Instagram. DiCaprio will love you. Gisele will love you. Ivanka will get invited to parties again ! You'll be abig fan hero in her eyes, andweknow you love her in a completly appropriate way.

Look, you're already the greastest president ever we know that's a fact because "people are saying it. " So I can see why you might be think ing, " Why do I need to gild the lily? I've already saved manking from extinction once, after Obama do I have to do it twice ? "

Yes, sir, I'm afraid you do. Please, lend your giant brain to work withthe other, lesser brains in the scientifics community. If you save the planet, billions of children will be grateful and one of them could be your wife !

Remenber my pledger: Become a pit bull for planet Eath and you won't need Russia to hack my polling place. I will vote for you,. I will gladly take my toilet ballot and put my prick next to your face !